Far be it for me to attempt to predict the outcome of the next presidential election. Remember the foolish headline that the Chicago Daily Tribune put out on the streets announcing the election of Tom Dewey and inferring that Harry Truman had lost? Well, I do, and I shy away from doing anything even close to it.
But, one can make assumptions.
So assume for purposes of contemplation and speculation that John McCain does not win the election. OK, he will once again be able to roam the Senate office building without presidential and electoral concerns, pound the podium as he speaks to an empty Senate chamber and be free to maverick away in the Senate to his heart’s content. But what about Sarah Palin? Will she just trundle back to Alaska and take up where she left off, hounding her former brother-in-law out of his uniform as an Alaskan State trooper and being a simple aw-shucks hockey mom and moose skinner?
No, siree. That isn’t the way the system works, not the “democratic capitalistic” system that George W. You-Know-Who set out to save this week when he invited the heads of many large and small nations to confer with him soon on the future of the world’s economy. In fact, the system doesn’t work in one simple way. The ways are many — and they can be very lucrative. Now, then, here’s where I’m willing to make a prediction.
The prediction is that Sarah Palin will become one of the richest women in America. No doubt about it. As Browning might have put it, “Let me count the ways.”
The GOP has bought her a new $150,000 wardrobe and hairdo. That’s a start. From here on, it should be easy pickins’.
There will be a newspaper column. Karl Rove writes one. Why not Sarah, too? Lots of folks will want to hear what she has to say whether or not she really says anything. Then a talk show. Rush Limbaugh spews stuff to a rapt audience regularly. If memory is accurate, not so long ago he signed a contract to keep the barrage of words up for around $425 million. If Rush can do it, shouldn’t Sarah? Politics aside, she’s a lot cuter.
Speaking engagements should keep the coffers full. No question about it when the going rate is at least $50,000 to $100,000 a pop. If she really is smart, she’ll sign up George W. to be on her team, and with good writers they might even create a comedy routine, like “Who’s on first?” or a ventriloquist act reminiscent of Edgar Bergen and Charlie McCarthy — although who would be the dummy is an open question.
With some ghosting and editorial assistance, an autobiography should make the best seller lists. Not in the same category as “The Making of a President” but still “The Unmaking of a Vice-President” should find a significant klatch of followers.
When counting the ways to politically inspired riches, let’s not forget the product endorsements. Here we’re also talking big money: Sarah Palin’s Hair Moose, Palin Genuine Moose Jerky for those in between snacks, Palin autographed hockey sticks from Spalding made from Alaskan birch wood, signature T-shirts, Palin inscribed hats with moose antlers (it’s way past time for those silly Mickey Mouse hats to go), Palin’s Presidential Perfume, Palin’s Platforms and on and on —you name it. It’s there to be had.
Last — well, maybe not last — but certainly not least, will be the “grateful” party supporters. These are the pillars of the “democratic capitalism” that I alluded to before. They provide well-paying seats on boards of directors of Fortune 500 companies, vacations to exotic places, stock market tips, vacation homes in warm climates, cruises on private yachts and trips to faraway spots in company jet aircraft.
And for the long run there are charitable foundations. I can see them going into action now. “Unwed Teenage Mothers In Need” (UTMIN), “Palin Eskimo Relief Fund” (PERF), “Hockey Moms For Family Values” (too long for an acronym). Remember Evita Peron? The money kept rolling in. It will for Sarah, too. Bet your best moose skinning knife on it. Foundations need management, don’t they? Of course. A spot for Todd — with appropriate salary, health insurance and a retirement plan.
Think I’m kidding? That’s how the political system takes care of those who labor in the trenches. Always.
As Sarah, herself, said recently at a political rally: “…there are many possibilities.”
Eliot Mentor
