Police Captain Rick Myers said it’s unusual for a masked robber to wait in line at a bank.
CBSnews.com, Strange Stories, January 10, 2009
The above quote comes from an on-line story about a bank robber in Stow, Ohio who got into a teller’s line wearing a ski mask and waited patiently for his turn at the teller’s window. He then pulled a toy gun and robbed the bank. What was the robber thinking? Was he thinking? For that matter, I wonder where the bank guard was while the robber was patiently waiting for his turn at a stick-up? Did his fellow line-mates notice the robber’s mask and, if so, did any of them ask him to remove his mask because wearing one indoors is improper? Why didn’t the teller hit the alarm button when the robber was five persons back from the window? Why does Chief Myers compound matters by making such a “duh” statement? Is everyone in Stow, Ohio completely without brains? What goes on in Stow, Ohio on the weekends, anyway?
The only sillier thing I remember was a story from a few years back about a bank robber who wrote his stick-up note on the back of one of his own withdrawal slips and then handed the note to the teller. The teller, in turn, handed the robber the money in his till, waited until the robber left, and then called the police and gave them the robber’s name and address. The police promptly drove to the robber’s home without lights or sirens and arrested him when he subsequently arrived home carrying the loot.
It is stories like this that make me fear at times for the future of humanity. Where do they find these people? I certainly hope that none of them are my neighbors here in Humptulips County. I have a hunch, however, that many of them are found either in the upper echelons of management in some of our Fortune 500 companies or firmly embedded in our political structure. For example:
1. American car company executives flying by individual corporate jet to Washington DC to ask for a bail out of the auto industry. For God’s sake, they could have least gone in one private jet instead of three.
2. Governor Elliot Spitzer’s low-life after hours habits in contrast to his on-the-job persona of grizzled, tough prosecutor with an intolerance for criminals. You have to wonder why it didn’t occur to him that others might be startled by the contrast between his public and private behavior. You have to wonder if he thought at all or, if he did, what he used to think with.
3. Sarah Palin’s willingness to be interviewed by Katie Couric. Of course, if, as I suspect, she really doesn’t have a clue about much of anything, agreeing to be interviewed was probably a no brainer – in every sense of the phrase.
4. John McCain’s choice of Sarah Palin as running mate in an attempt to pick up the Hilary Clinton vote. Let’s just say that Mr. McCain’s decision seems Hilarious in retrospect, but it must not have seemed that funny as he was about to give his concession speech.
5. John McCain’s declarations of trust and support for Sarah Palin as a running mate subsequent to his defeat at the polls. It just goes to show that you can be too old to learn.
6. Congressman Tim Mahoney of Florida who, after succeeding former Congressman Mark Foley who was forced to resign in the face of a sex scandal involving Congressional pages, is facing investigation for hiring his mistress and then paying her $121,000 to stay silent after he fired her. I am uncertain exactly how many extremely stupid things were committed by Congressman Mahoney in the litany of events described in that last sentence, but I am absolutely certain he has learned nothing from his or his predecessor’s experiences since he is clearly learning impaired.
7. The Congress of the United States and several miscellaneous Presidents who all concluded that, left to their own devices and without the benefit of even minimal oversight, people with access to enormous amounts of other people’s money would always act in the best interest of the public and not engage in self interested transactions (much less theft, embezzlement, fraud and what-have-you).
And then there is George W. Bush … but having come to this point in my discourse, words fail me.
