Now blue October, smoky in the sun,
Must end the long, sweet summer of the heart.
Robert Nathan, “Now Blue October”
October has taken on the blue, smoky haze so prominent this time of year. Distance magnifies the haze and all is lovely as the trees start their turning. I have often wondered about the source of the haze, but prefer not to investigate it scientifically, finding its mystery a source of pleasureful rumination. I am wholly uninterested in its scientific explanation – when it comes to matters of this kind, I prefer the magical to the scientific, the wonder of belief to the diminishment of explanation.
Fall may be my favorite time of year, since it promotes reflection and analysis of this year and of years past. I sometimes wonder how I have gotten to this age in an intact state. It certainly wasn’t due to a grand scheme that I was able to execute, at will, to perfection. It probably was nothing more than dumb luck with some good guesses thrown in along the way. At least I hope they were good guesses. The world’s financial crisis may cause me to reassess their worth.
There is something in me that doesn’t like to be pushed around by uncontrollable things like market forces. So far, my reaction to all of this mess that the politicians, bankers and wall street weenies have left us is simply to stand pat. I refuse to be stampeded and I absolutely refuse to contribute to the general sense of panic that seems to be growing in the world – not when the blue haze of October promises that the world will continue in its mysterious ways regardless of the seemingly endless peccadilloes of mankind.
I am not certain what this mulishness means about me. Perhaps I am simply too dumb to survive in what may be significantly changed economic circumstances. It certainly isn’t faith in the system that is motivating me. The only faith I have in the system is that those running it are in it primarily for themselves and will, in the end, prevail. I think, rather, that my principal motivation is not to contribute to the generally adverse effects of conventional wisdom. I have never had much faith in the pundits of doom, preferring, instead, to operate by the French maxim: Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose.
I guess I simply have faith that things will eventually find a bottom and will continue to work in a variant of the present. This despite surface changes which will, at first, seem to assist those of us not in control, but which will, with the passage of time and through the attention of sharp, greedy minds, be subverted to serve the personal greed of the few and privileged. The saddest thing about this realization is that it is my profession that will assist those with the sharp, greedy minds to achieve their ends. That is not a nice reflection on a blue October day. While it would be lovely to believe that a strong wind could blow away the fog of greed for all time, the truth is that these times of strong winds blow the fog away for only a short while before it finds its way back through the cracks in the walls. Even as I write, someone, somewhere has seen such a crevice and is investigating its potential to serve their purposes.
My faith is in the steadfastness of time and the rhythm of life. While life meanders on its way from triumph to despair and back again, its progress endures and we each contribute our share to its advance. I just visited my son, daughter-in-law and two granddaughters in Cambridge – one two and a half and one two months. They have buoyed my faith in life as I watch the cycle continue. The cycle after me – my children – are now beginning the cycle after them, and I have faith that each will learn to cope with the changed circumstances in which they find themselves.
For life is a force not to be deterred and it will find ways in which to cope – manifesting its assertiveness both in straggly sea grasses and in the lush jungles of the Amazon. This is its mystery and its strength. Even were we to be subjected to nuclear Armageddon, I have faith that some life would survive and find a means to flourish even if that means would be totally alien to our sensibilities. Mind you, I do not long for such a result; I simply offer the notion as an explication of my faith in the life force.
So, if blue October must end the long, sweet summer of the heart, it is only to clear the way for the Summers to come – the ones which I hope to continue to enjoy and those which my family will enjoy after I am gone.
